Why Do I Always Need Something?
June 2024
I'm going through a major shift in my psyche, discovering parts of myself that have long been buried. What is the psyche, anyway? Carl Jung and other great minds might describe it as:
" Psychology is the scientific or objective study of the psyche. The word has a long history of use in psychology and philosophy, dating back to ancient times, and represents one of the fundamental concepts for understanding human nature from a scientific point of view. The English word soul is sometimes used synonymously, especially in older texts. Many thinkers, including Carl Jung, also include in this definition the overlap and tension between the personal and the collective elements in man. "
For me, the psyche is the integration of my conscious and subconscious mind as one, their original state. I think for the sake of creation they split. And it's the amalgamation of my programming/conditioning as a child and young adult, as well all my hopes, secret dreams, longings and desires, and even aspects of the collective unconscious. It's a lot, I know. But to me, the psyche is like a cloud—a massive storage unit that can be uploaded, downloaded, altered, and changed. It has no specific shape; it expands and contracts.
Why am I talking about my psyche? Because during meditation this morning, I was compelled to sit quietly and go within. Lately, I've been spinning my wheels more than usual. Creating and building this site (which feels like my new home) has been grueling, partly because I've done it so many times before. Here I am again, starting over with no end in sight. I felt frustrated.
So, I went inside, straight to my heart, and discovered something unexpected. There's a deeply needy person within me, yearning for attention, love, care, and acknowledgment. Before I could connect with this need, I faced resistance. This needy part asked, "Why do you hate me?" I replied, "Because I can't fulfill all your needs myself; it's too much!" But what's the truth?
The truth is, I saw images of a child—an infant—thwarted in receiving attention, love, care, and acknowledgment. These were needs that never fully got met in my early years. Now, it's my responsibility (my ability to respond) to this part of myself that has important, worthy, and valuable needs.
And guess what? This needy child within me holds the key to more of my power and strength. Just being aware of this helped shift me toward greater wholeness. I could feel the shift in my psyche—hence why I talked about it at the beginning of this post.
Now, let's see where this new acknowledgment and realization take me. Initially, I felt loathing—me, a needy person? No way. I need money, I need help—all the time I need something. Why? But I'm excited to fathom that perhaps all my other needs will be met if I diligently, tenderly, and precisely attend to these four things: attention, love, care, and acknowledgment.
There's freedom here. I sense renewal through this understanding and integration of wisdom.
Thank you, Life, for always providing me exactly what I need to learn lessons and move on.
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You Are Not Alone
If this sparked or stirred something inside of you and now you have reflections about yourself you'd like to work through, know that I'm here and you can book a call anytime.